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JK, here's a for realz entry - it was great when it all began...
stay sane inside insanity
JK, here's a for realz entry
I've been weighing more and more what seem to be two of my main options: eventually get married or become a nun (as opposed to settling with one as an almost obvious outcome for my life). Really, I don't have too much control over either, and regardless of how many pros and cons I can think up for either side I almost always end up feeling like I'm most meant to be a nun. Still, at times it all seems like some crazy trap, and if I'm not careful I might just end up stepping away completely for a bit and losing sight of everything that (or a lot of what) means anything to me (though a little of that might help to give some perspective, granted...).

A big issue right now, I think, is one of control. When I think about either theoretical situation, I most often seem to consider "will I be able to handle this?" ie when I consider marriage it's something like, "if I get married--say, to this guy--will I be able to deal with x quality of his?" or "would I be able to handle it if my kids did x?" If it's becoming a nun (in some sense marrying God) it's more like "will I be good enough? Will I be able to live up to my own expectations?"

Actually, to be honest the biggest 'worry' I have about theoretical monastic life is that they haven't responded to my application yet, which highlights another control issue.

Seriously though, one of the appeals of monasticism to me is definitely an aesthetic appeal to my nerdy side insofar as it is so evocative of medieval times. For real, when I subsequently learned of the venia and what it was and then that the community I might enter has discontinued its use (for the time, at least--with some exceptions like at the end of a chapter meeting), I was kind of disappointed. I am, however, by no means disappointed that the monastery has decent heating. I kind of wish the friars still wore the tonsure, though one of my friends who is considering becoming one is balding enough that his hair already has the resemblance of one, lol. The habits and the monastic traditions are close enough, though, so I guess that and submersing myself in medieval theology will have to do (but not too much).

I wonder if any of the nuns has ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail...most of them probably either entered before it came out or come from another country. Like Nigeria. Either way, I don't think any of the friars or novices I've met so far could really pull off a Brother Maynard (though apparently he was Cistercian and not Dominican...). Actually, maybe Br. James Dominic, second from the right...

Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis requiem

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